Friday, August 20, 2010

Interview Oops

Part of my job is to interview potential employees(who all hold advanced degrees and will be working with children), which over time I've learned is a fine art. After seeing several new hires go down the drain rather quickly, I've learned some real nuggets of wisdom. For anyone who might be interviewing soon, I hope these tips help you out.

1. Be on time (I'm fairly certain all know this one, but just in case).

2. When asked, "Is there anything else you'd like to tell us about yourself?," don't say, "Well, I got into 3 car accidents last year" and then launch into details. Turns out we were looking for accomplishments of which you might feel proud.

3. Don't call the interviewer "girlfriend" within the first three minutes of conversation. Awkward. We aren't friends and you don't have this in the bag.

4. Referring to your direct reports as "divas" is not the impression you want to give when interviewing for a management position.

5. It is suspicious to report never having a conflict with a co-worker in a 25 year job history. Really, no one is that likable. No one.

6. On the same topic, admitting that you quit a job because someone didn't agree with you might leave the interviewers suspicious of your staying power.

7. Glittery fingernails do not convey the image of responsibility, dependability or maturity. In fact, that's all the interviewer could stare at during the interview. It was that or the adjustable Hello Kitty ring on your finger that was directly out of the 50 cent gumball machine.

8. It might be a mistake to readily admit lying to parents who ask if you have kids of your own. It is a TINY bit funny that you answer "three" when really referring to your pets, but eventually the families with which you work might catch on and know you LIED.

9. Mentioning your dad (who sounds like an over-bearing asshole) about 50 times in the interview. You are a big girl now and we honestly will not tell your dad that you didn't pass that test. . . mainly because you won't be working here. But if you did, we still wouldn't tell him. .. interestingly enough, that's illegal.

10. If you hide your crazies long enough to make through the interview all the way to being hired, coming to work late everyday of the first week is a bad idea. And then when you are out watching other employees work with children, sleeping instead of observing and not washing your hands upon exiting the restroom are sure-fire ways to be lead straight out the door. When told your day is done at the job, putting your head in your hands and saying, "Why can't I ever make a job work?" doesn't make us feel sorry for you. It really only confirms a correct decision was made.

And this my friends, is gold standard advice. Turns out that the things I took for granted that everyone knew was totally, utterly wrong.

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